How Happy are You?

(I wrote this a couple weeks ago.)

Last night I was hanging around some sisters from my ward at church, having a great time eating snacks and playing cards and talking and talking, and one of the sisters stated that she hated this stage of her life. Another chimed in that she agreed.

There were 6 of us altogether. I find it interesting that these dissatisfied women were the only 2 in the group that hadn't had their family ravaged through divorce or the death of a spouse. They have both been through a lot, but, then again, who hasn't been through a lot by the time their in their 50s and beyond? They both have all their children in functional situations, and both are financially stable. Let me tell you, I think if I were in either of their situations, I would be enjoying this stage of my life even more!

Because, even though they are my peers and I enjoy their company so much, I am definitely enjoying this stage of my life. I did love it (in some ways) while my children were small—in fact, having and raising my children was very fulfilling for me. That time brought me so much joy, even in a sporadically dysfunctional marriage. And, good for me, that I can say that. I remember being acquainted with people who DIDN'T find that time happy. (Even my own former mother-in-law said she had hated being a mother—which explains a lot about my family's dysfunction!) But I must say I look back on the time my children were small with joy and fondness, along with relief that I got through it.

Reflecting on the years I was single young adult, creating myself and the life I would have, going to school and working at jobs with people I would have never met in my academic life. Those were marvelous years, full of adventure and beauty and growth, and most of all HOPE.

And even the time between my marriages was full of optimistic expectancy, new excitement, self-expression through working outside the home, and other benefits and, well, fun.

I just finished a book called THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, by Gretchen Rubin. She is a 30-something woman, married, full-time writer and mother of 2 who realized she wasn't as happy as she thought she should or could be. She worked for a whole year on being a happier person, with goals and a chart and much record-keeping, and found herself happier after that year. One of the reasons I loved this book is that Gretchen knew that the secret to happiness was to work from the inside of herself to make changes (and some were DIFFICULT!) that would make the quality of her relationships and daily living more happy.

And it worked!!

Like Gretchen, I know I can be a happier person if I change some of the things I am doing in my life, although I find this time of life, with all its changes, unpredictability, and challenges interesting.

My children are (virtually) grown up and finding their places in the world. I have great relationships with some of my children and good relationships with the rest. My husband and I are creating a new life together that doesn't ALWAYS have to center on the needs of our offspring first. And, although we aren't as financially stable as some of our peers who were not devastated by divorce, career upsets, or the economy, we are looking ahead toward retirement and planning how to live our dreams for that time with hopeful anticipation. And living other dreams right now.

And I am totally enjoying grandchildren and all they bring to my life. All of mine are close, so it's easy to relish my experience with them. As children join our family who live far, far away, I am sure it will be a little more challenging to stay connected and have those same great relationships. But I have had good role models in that, and am looking forward to it.

As for my body, the changes, aches and pains, and unpredictability never leave me with a dull moment. I enjoyed the book YOUNGER NEXT YEAR, with its enthusiastic and knowledgeable authors so much. It has given me promise that the quality of my life now and in the future years can be just as good (maybe even better) than it has in the past at times. Why shouldn't my body do for me what it was created to do in these future years just as well as it has in the past?

I received a voice mail last night from a friend in California, near where I grew up. Her oldest son committed suicide yesterday, and her family is, of course, devastated. As I mourn for her and with her, I realize that our world is such a hard place to stay sometimes, and that there is despair almost everywhere you look. But we are created with resilience, too, and a capacity for joy and happiness within this world of dark times and experiences. Happiness comes from doing things that make us feel good about ourselves, doing right, and growing.

I feel grateful for this time in my life to explore new paths, discover new relationships, and strengthen old relationships. My life has been such a gift, so rich with people and experiences, and hope for the future.

What do you do in your life to increase your daily and long-term joy and happiness? I am thinking about doing my own full-blown HAPPINESS PROJECT. Would anyone care to join me?

Christmas Traditions

As Christmas approaches, I have been thinking about traditions our family has created and carried on. There aren't many, it seems, and yet--there are.

We have a tree. I didn't really feel like putting it up, but was out-voted. It's up, colorful, and mood-lifting on these dark days here. We have gifts. I have been focusing on a less materialistic attitude, and yet want to commemorate the season with some things.

I find the music of the season really enjoyable, so have attended a number of musical events. Fortunately we still have children in school bands and such. And I must say, a college concert is fantastic! We enjoyed a sign-language Christmas concert last night in our local school district. It's also a real treat to listen to my favorite Pandora holiday stations along with the music I have collected through the years.

Putting some energy into giving to others outside our family is something we work at, too. This has been more of a quiet activity within the family as children have grown up and started their adult lives.

In the past we have made special treats, decorated gingerbread houses and cookies, and done other sweet activities together. But as things have changed, so has the emphasis of our celebrating. I really appreciate this time of year, and the light and good cheer and attitude of goodwill and hope this season seems to perpetuate.

People are nicer! If I stay out of the terribly congested parking lots of the mega-shopping-centers, strangers just seem kinder and more light-hearted.

What about you? What are your favorite traditions of the season?

My Mall Experience

I don't go to the mall very often. Why, you ask? Well, I don't usually buy much, or at least not there. But this past Friday a young friend and I wanted to spend some time together, and she felt like getting a little Christmas shopping done, so off we went.

Thanks Silverdale Chamber of Commerce for the photo.

Luckily my friend, whom I will call Karen, knew just the things she wanted, and in which store they were. We parked, went straight to the proper section, and Karen searched for her prospective gifts. I helped her with sizes, colors and styles for a while, but she seemed to have everything under control. So I stood around for a few minutes. I noticed some shirts that were a good price, gorgeous colors this year, and nice and long, like I prefer. Suddenly I believed I "could use" a few shirts like these. I held back, though.

Selections in hand, Karen and I went and looked through the mundane, useful item I thought I would get for a loved one for Christmas. It was a little more expensive than I would usually prefer, but the quality and quantity and country of origin were acceptable. We made our purchases and decided what to do next.

We had passed some purses that were really cute, so we looked at them for a while, killing time before leaving the mall to go to dinner. The more I looked at a particular style of bag, the more I wanted one. (These specific ones were nearly $100, not something I would ever seriously consider.) The shape was really pleasing, and the colors were so appealing; so many to choose from! Oh, well, off to dinner.

I haven't stopped thinking about those bags, not because I am going to buy one, but because I liked them so much. I won't feel very good about myself if I get one, but the fact that their style and color and presentation in the store were so very attractive is something I am giving a lot of attention.

I suppose the moral of the story is that I know material things don't make me happy. And that marketers and other people who want to get some of our money work from the perspective that material things (that they are carrying in their retail centers) will make us happy until we come to the mall next time.

So--why was I so enthralled with the purses, anyway? I believe it's because my current one isn't really meeting my needs. I have some choices here: 1. Find one in my closet that will work (I have a few in there); 2. Get one second-hand (totally in my value system if I really NEED it); 3. Make one.

Are you an impulse shopper, or a self-medicating-shopper? Where is your favorite place to shop? Do you have strategies to avoid getting too many things?

Stay tuned while I stay out of the mall.

And Happy Holidays!

Summer Winding Down

The evenings and night time have a bit of a bite these days, and there's a woodsmoke flavor in the air. Autumn is coming, and, as always, change is in the air. There has been a lot going on in our corner of the world, and here's some of it.

Allan has started work this week as an employee of the US Government at Keyport, Washington, just 8 minutes away. There are mixed feelings, but mostly relief on my end. We have learned some valuable lessons in the past 6 months of Allan's unemployment, and some important home chores have happened during that time, like an overhauled garage and exterior house painting.

Another blessing has been the birth of a new grandchild, Clayton Seeley Edmondson last week. He is healthy and seems happy to be in his lively family.

The garden has been growing well. I did a few experiments this year, like growing potatoes in plastic garbage cans (not a huge success, but we have lots of new potatoes) and growing squash and tomatoes in old tires (tomatoes relatively fruitful, squash, not so much). I have a number of spaghetti squash that need to ripen up, and more tomatoes to harvest. Also, I'll be planting lettuce and other greens today or tomorrow to get a jump on spring. There has been a paltry 18 lb of food harvested, but when I realize that much of that was salad greens, which take SO MUCH to make a pound, I am not as disappointed.

Other efforts in sustainable living are waxing and waning all the time. I am getting ready to set some new goals to have less impact on the earth, like sticking with reusable bags when shopping (if I shop at all!) and bring containers for leftovers in restaurants. Those things I can do 100%, unlike some of the other things that rely on family participation/buy-in that doesn't always happen when young adult children are living at home.

Our 6 laying hens (a slight misnomer) are doing fine in our backyard's expanded chicken coop. Only 2 are laying regularly, and they are the 2 I got in 2008. The new-to-me ones are not laying, but hopefully will be before I get frustrated and put them in the pot. Which I probably never would, unless I had to.

That's it for now, I will be adding photos soon.

Restaurant Review: Bremerton Bar and Grill

I am branching out in the blog-o-sphere and describing my experience in local eateries. 

Tonight we enjoyed dinner at Bremerton Bar and Grill. It's over across from the Bremerton Ferry and Puget Sound Naval Shipyard (PSNS). We were seated right away on the patio, which was mildly impressive on a Saturday night. Or suspicious. We chose a shady spot as far away from the hubbub of the restaurant as we could. 

The weather was lovely and it was pretty perfect, except for the speaker right next to our table blaring out songs of the '80s. Yuck. A server brought water and took our drink orders as we perused the menu. 

The place was a little pricey. I wasn't incredibly hungry and didn't see anything that grabbed me particularly, so ordered the Hummus Plate Appetizer for around $10. Allan opted for the fish and chips at $13.99. 

Our $4.00 (non-alcoholic) drinks came. Allan's was about 95% ice. Mine was tiny, but good. I continually added water to it and it was tasty for a long time. Unfortunately our waitress never refilled our water glasses (even after we asked). 

Eventually our food came, and it was well-presented and average. Allan requested another tartar sauce as soon as he saw how little there was, and it came after he had finished his dinner. He had run out of ketchup, too. 

The scenery was pretty and the weather cooperated. The food, though somewhat overpriced, was acceptable. The service and noisy atmosphere, however, left something to be desired. I would rather go somewhere with better service and excellent food, or a take-out place that I know I enjoy and eat at the park for the alfresco experience. 

Laying Hen Update: Tragedy in the Flock

One of the ways to provide our family with healthy food and practice self-sufficiency is to raise laying hens in our back yard. My homemade chicken coop/yard has worked out pretty well and it's been a journey of learning, work, and happy eating since we have been urban homesteaders.

In June the "flock" of hens that I acquired in 2008 was reduced by 1 to 2 . While I was on my trip to Atlantic City Anne, my favorite layer, died of unknown causes in the little chicken yard. (She used to eat out of my HAND!) Cecilie actually witnessed the death, which was traumatizing for her. 

So the question has been, what to do now? Two hens isn't really enough to provide enough eggs for our family, and it's irritating to have to BUY EGGS. Or beg them from my friends. Actually, 3 hens really wasn't even enough to supply us with eggs. (The number of family members living here keeps contracting and expanding. Mostly expanding.)

Cecilie suggested expanding the yard into the unused area under our deck. She and I spent an afternoon creating a new area and are ready to add a few more to our flock. 

Now to find them....


Addendum: I will be acquiring 3 or 4 more hens this very evening in Silverdale after the Ward Picnic. Boy will I have work to do today to get ready!!

Home-Grown Herbal Tea and Reusable Cloth Tea Bags

In May I had the pleasure of harvesting some of my herbs for teas. Chamomile and Sweet Mint were the biggest hauls, with Rosemary close on their heels. They were dried in my new (to me) food dehydrator in just a couple of hours, and gave the house a wonderful fragrance. Here are the loose dried herbs in their jars waiting to be made into something. The jars were completely filled when I finished drying. 

Volunteer mint bed ready for another harvest

My biggest dilemma has been how to prepare the teas. Loose herbs in a pot? Kind of messy and difficult to clean. In a metal tea-ball? Either too big for the pot or too small for a pot. Disposable tea bags? Those are great for gifts, but I hate the waste. I came across a site with instructions for reusable cloth tea bags http://lillyella.blogspot.com/2009/05/crafting-reusable-tea-bags_19.html. 

I have made a few and they work out just great. Since it's summer, I make a quart of tea at a time and pour some over ice. It's a refreshing beverage and an alternative to water, sugary non-foods, and diet-drink chemicals. 


How is your summer harvest? What are you doing for yourself this summer?