(I wrote this a couple weeks ago.)
Last
night I was hanging around some sisters from my ward at church,
having a great time eating snacks and playing cards and talking and
talking, and one of the sisters stated that she hated this stage of
her life. Another chimed in that she agreed.
There
were 6 of us altogether. I find it interesting that these
dissatisfied women were the only 2 in the group that hadn't had their
family ravaged through divorce or the death of a spouse. They have
both been through a lot, but, then again, who hasn't been through a
lot by the time their in their 50s and beyond? They both have all
their children in functional situations, and both are financially
stable. Let me tell you, I think if I were in either of their
situations, I would be enjoying this stage of my life even more!
Because,
even though they are my peers and I enjoy their company so much, I am
definitely enjoying this stage of my life. I did
love it (in some ways) while my children were small—in fact, having
and raising my children was very fulfilling for me. That time brought
me so much joy, even in a sporadically dysfunctional marriage. And,
good for me, that I can say that. I remember being acquainted with
people who DIDN'T find that time happy. (Even my own former mother-in-law
said she had hated being a mother—which explains a lot about my
family's dysfunction!) But I must say I look back on the time my
children were small with joy and fondness, along with relief that I
got through it.
Reflecting
on the years I was single young adult, creating myself and the life I
would have, going to school and working at jobs with people I would
have never met in my academic life. Those were marvelous years, full
of adventure and beauty and growth, and most of all HOPE.
And
even the time between my marriages was full of optimistic expectancy,
new excitement, self-expression through working outside the home, and
other benefits and, well, fun.
I
just finished a book called THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, by Gretchen Rubin.
She is a 30-something woman, married, full-time writer and mother of
2 who realized she wasn't as happy as she thought she should or could
be. She worked for a whole year on being a happier person, with goals
and a chart and much record-keeping, and found herself happier after
that year. One of the reasons I loved this book is that Gretchen knew
that the secret to happiness was to work from the inside of herself
to make changes (and some were DIFFICULT!) that would make the
quality of her relationships and daily living more happy.
And
it worked!!
Like
Gretchen, I know I can be a happier person if I change some of the
things I am doing in my life, although I find this time of life, with
all its changes, unpredictability, and challenges interesting.
My
children are (virtually) grown up and finding their places in the
world. I have great relationships with some of my children and good
relationships with the rest. My husband and I are creating a new life
together that doesn't ALWAYS have to center on the needs of our
offspring first. And, although we aren't as financially stable as
some of our peers who were not devastated by divorce, career upsets,
or the economy, we are looking ahead toward retirement and planning
how to live our dreams for that time with hopeful anticipation. And
living other dreams right now.
And
I am totally enjoying grandchildren and all they bring to my life.
All of mine are close, so it's easy to relish my experience with
them. As children join our family who live far, far away, I am sure
it will be a little more challenging to stay connected and have those
same great relationships. But I have had good role models in that,
and am looking forward to it.
As
for my body, the changes, aches and pains, and unpredictability never
leave me with a dull moment. I enjoyed the book YOUNGER NEXT YEAR,
with its enthusiastic and knowledgeable authors so much. It has given
me promise that the quality of my life now and in the future years
can be just as good (maybe even better) than it has in the past at
times. Why shouldn't my body do for me what it was created to do in
these future years just as well as it has in the past?
I
received a voice mail last night from a friend in California, near
where I grew up. Her oldest son committed suicide yesterday, and her
family is, of course, devastated. As I mourn for her and with her, I
realize that our world is such a hard place to stay sometimes, and
that there is despair almost everywhere you look. But we are created
with resilience, too, and a capacity for joy and happiness within
this world of dark times and experiences. Happiness comes from doing
things that make us feel good about ourselves, doing right, and
growing.
I
feel grateful for this time in my life to explore new paths, discover
new relationships, and strengthen old relationships. My life has
been such a gift, so rich with people and experiences, and hope for
the future.
What
do you do in your life to increase your daily and long-term joy and
happiness? I am thinking about doing my own full-blown HAPPINESS
PROJECT. Would anyone care to join me?
